Thursday, September 18, 2014

you and i lost in the forest of meaningless symbols





the sound of human voices in
                          august rooms


the sound of heat or the
weight of it


thunder at the edges


mountains grey in the haze or
blue beneath a colorless sky


asks where’s the map?


answers why do you need it?
and both of them naked
 
both of them waiting


and pollock is dead, of course,
                              and cobain,
                               and christ,
just to give you a better idea of WHEN
                                                  and
she has freckles on her pale breasts


he is never quite comfortable
in his own skin


says i’d like to see the desert and
she smiles at him and laughs


says but i need to get home


you see?


there are always places to go but
they will never be arrived at


there are some reasons more important
than others, or at least there
those who see it this way
 
one more time he says and she agrees


there is here and now and then
                                       (later)
there is the idea that HERE and NOW
are fading into the past


sits alone in a darkening room
and begins to understand this



Friday, September 05, 2014

excerpt 1






* *

drinking poison all day and she
said she was thirsty asked
why all it did was rain and then the
needle tracks of course and all of the
tear-stained apologies

the white spaces between houses

the smell of the river and
the same old argument

said the baby should have a name and i
told her there was no baby and
she asked why i hated her

she asked why i kept denying god

and the police had a  clear shot
but then he jumped

the streets were empty all
afternoon but i kept hearing the
sound of laughing children
 
kept getting off at the wrong exit

knew i was almost home but
couldn’t figure out why





Monday, September 01, 2014

someone and someone




was feeling okay was
slowly approaching
the idea of suicide
 
was four below
zero at two
in the afternoon
 
sunlight and the
taste of road salt

the ghosts of
old lovers

nothing to laugh at but i
was laughing there at
the highway’s edge
while the river froze and
the first of the massacred
children was buried

while the
conspiracy theorists
fucked each other
in curtained motel rooms

and i forget if i was
nothing but i knew we
were nowhere and it felt
like this mattered

felt like small birds
singing but without the
hope of spring

felt like frost filling the
cracks in the walls

colder than the morning
they found my father on
the dining room floor,
though the same shade of
grey, and at this point in
time all objects in the
known universe are
                  of course
still moving further
apart

at this point in time
your body
means more to me
than your name

seems like a waste of
breath to apologize
for things that aren’t
ever going to change



Sunday, August 31, 2014

a cage in the forest



tell the blind man there's
nothing to see


let the politicians
fuck your daughters


don't settle for the facts when
the truth is what really matters




don't worry about man ray
dead now for 30 years in
paris, and i still keep
waiting for his call




i stand on the edge of the
porch roof, next to the
hole in my house where the
light pours out




look






the days are shorter now
and all of my fears that much
closer to the surface



no amount of poetry will
ever cure cancer




no man who would ask for
your vote would
ever give you his in return




these are things to think about
while you watch dorothea
undress, and when she asks if
you love her, you should smile
without answering






you should
kiss her breasts




words aren't the enemy,
of course, but it's always
best to act as if they are

four ghosts









sleepwalking





knew him when he was dead,
early spring or late summer, town filled
with the stench of decay
 
a parade for jesus on some
bleachwhite saturday afternoon


flowers and virgins, senile old men
holding rifles, and what i remember is that i
could no longer remember which
century was mine


sat next to an open window
listening to freeway traffic, someone’s
girlfriend screaming in the second
story apartment across the
street, then laughing
 
almost midnight


july maybe, maybe october


birds with broken wings, angels
caught in branches, in nooses,
and politicians, and terrorists, and all of
them concerned with butchery and power


all of them concerned with
vengeance and he said fuck this


said let’s go find a bar and i
knew him to be dead and i knew him


had dated his sister had slept with
his wife and i said wait


i said the parade’s going to start soon
and he just smiled and shook his head


set fire to the house


pulled the trigger


something stupid and dramatic and the
girls on the floats were all
beautiful as they smiled into the sun



Monday, June 23, 2014

the golden dog






or lives controlled by
need and not desire


end of summer and the
                  idea of fear
too large to be ignored

gun held tight in the
fist of christ

taste of gravel and of
              broken glass

cold blue sky over empty parking lots,
over the clean, meaningless lines
                             of gas stations

over the corpses of children
killed by chemical warfare, because
the world is always so much
more than your own small,
                      petty failures

the kingdom of ashes
begins at your door

the missing man is found two weeks
later on some weed-choked
stretch of riverbank
almost eighty miles away

his wife is with her boyfriend
when the news
makes its way back home

even now
the possibilities for joy
                   are endless





Monday, June 16, 2014

the refusal




shoot the doctor in the
back as he walks away then
tell him he’s a coward while he
dies at your feet

it’s an addiction,
like humor
 
it’s a punchline

you capture the soldier, a
boy of fifteen or sixteen, and
then you torture that fucker
until he’s on the floor in a
pool of his own shit and blood

this is how wars are won

make your children
understand this

tell them how much you hated
your own father,
how much he hated you

show them the scars

explain how they can only
grow up to
repeat your mistakes





Friday, June 13, 2014

for dawn





knowledge and despair







sincerity







man on fire in
the street holds his
son tightly

confuses love and
hate like a
woman i used to know
 
says all pain is
meant to be shared

says silence is
a gift

nothing left of the
child but
ash and bone





Saturday, June 07, 2014

excerpts from NOTES FOR MAGELLAN'S DAUGHTER




* *
 
endless unnumbered pages in the
book of pain and it’s here where you
write your truths and it’s here
you are written on

wars
  yes
and the more complex atrocities
                             of one-on-one

cupped hands
overflowing with blood

take her money
then dig a shallow grave
 
another child’s mother
buried alive
 
a small chapter no one
ever remembers








* *




tongue tied in
holy knots w/
eyes almost
blind he is not
speaking to god
he is not
speaking at all is
not sleeping but
dreaming is not
awake but
falling and he
is standing at
the edge of the
highway and
he is laughing
and she is
almost she is
getting into
the car she is
smiling and
she is crying
and she is
driving away
with the rest
of his life







Friday, May 30, 2014

the kingdom, denied




in these sepia-toned rooms of
memory i relive
25 years of drowning

in the season of ascension
we eat only fear


and i have these pictures and i
have these poems and i am
not sorry for being thin
enough to fade from view

i have no use for your
anger and none for your pain

we were there at the table
when the bullet
caught christ in the throat
 
i was fucking your
sister on the afternoon my
grandfather took his
own life and
listen -
 
confession isn’t art
 
the starving know enough
to view your god as nothing
more than so much meat
 
all magic is contained w/in
the moment of revelation
and then all that’s
left is dust





Tuesday, May 27, 2014

excerpts from SENTIMENTAL EFFIGIES






5.

no one just some
holy motherfucker dead in the
shallow end of late winter sunlight and
down on the beach the righteous and
the just are laughing are singing are
crucifying his son and
in the aftermath of war all
gods are equally useless

in the slow passage of days all
poets & priests wait patiently to be
broken on the wheel of their
own desperate faith









6.

and every wish is
someone’s death no matter what you
choose to believe and no one’s
going to laugh if you cry
because no one’s
going to care









15.

dreams of the trailer at the
edge of the corn field, dreams of
silence and rape and
wakes up thirsty

wakes up and then
wakes up again like in the
movies and he thinks he’s still
                                  dreaming

dreams the bed is a tiny shrinking
island in a relentless tide
of blood

wakes up laughing at the
thought of mercy










Wednesday, May 21, 2014

broken hand w/ mirror




in this world where
almost everything is beyond
your control and your
choices are limited to false
god, slave, impotent king

vote or don’t vote
shoot or don’t shoot and
                      either way
the starving continue to starve

grow old
then

die

eat handfuls of dust

send postcards back to
your loved ones, to
your enemies

let them see you
                finally
for the empty threat you
                   always were





Friday, May 09, 2014

love song for the betrayed




all of us here in
this room without oxygen
waiting to be forgiven and it seems
like the safest place

feels like the fist of god
punching a million starving children in
the throat, and you know the
fucker’s laughing or else why would he
let them starve in the first place?

seems like a waste of
time inventing religions
instead of looking for solutions
 
grows into a world full of inbred
assholes with shit
spilling from their open mouths



Tuesday, May 06, 2014

holy days: an attempt at chiaroscuro




strange to end up lost in this
house i’ve called home for
fifteen years, and strange to
spend so much time considering
suicide on these bright
blue morning

if you were here with me,
you would be beautiful and stoned
 
if we had children, they would
learn to live with disappointment

they would understand the
inevitability of being born in
a building on fire







Sunday, May 04, 2014

perpetual motion sonnet






let the sun
break your heart

let nothing and
no one win

this is the moment where
                    my life begins
                             and then
this is the one that matters

this is the bridge we
stand beneath and this is
the song always playing in
the back of my mind

small lies to help hold
together broken truths

the rest of our lives
multiplied by zero and i am
trying here and i
am failing
 
i am thirty years older
than i was and i am
that much more lost

am dreaming of ash and
resin and the slow
stain of frostbite

and we were so sure it
would always be
summer





Friday, May 02, 2014

a belgian surrealist






in the silences between
words i thought i
was saying something

in the moment of
truth i lied
 
late afternoon

sound of breaking glass or the sun
crashing down to the horizon by
small degrees

sound of denial

weed-filled lots or
burned-out houses
 
always these choices made by
corrupt saints and crippled gods

always these rivers thick with blood

these corpses piled high down village
streets and in between the silence and the
stench there is only the heavy buzzing
of 100,000,000 flies

in between the moment of hope and the
moment of despair  there are an
infinite number of empty lifetimes and what i
remember in the middle of all
senseless violence is the night i left you
 
what i remember is the night you left me

all of the days that fell in between

our small acts of grace and our
small acts of mercy and in
the spaces between them just
these shimmering wasted hours









and you were lost and i was you
















Sunday, April 27, 2014

madrigal







or sunlight through
december fog or the way no
sense can be made from suicide


the idea of forgiveness which
seems to always be with me


what have i done in my life out of
kindness and what have i done
out of vengeance or even just
what have i done?


what have i allowed
others to do?


war becomes the
solution to fear


you fuck with god before
he can fuck with you


gotta mow down the weak
                               the starving
                               those opposed


live your life like a sick dog in
a small cage and
that’s what you become


you hurt
whoever loves you


you dream in shades of
green and grey


can’t spend you whole
useless life just drowning in
the desert but
at least you could try







Sunday, February 23, 2014

suicide weather








static hands and
blood of christ

water in the basement

mold in the walls

no poetry just
             regret

just small acts of
violence strung together
with rusted wire

call it a life and then
you have to live it

have to spend your days
looking through cracked and
warped panes of glass

have to wait for a sun that
never shows itself

and will you crawl like a
dog for the people you
love, and would love even
be the right word here?

how strong can any faith
be when it’s built on the
corpse of a tortured and
murdered innocent man?

empty laughter is as
good an answer
as any











NEW COLLECTION










with such brilliant light pouring from our joyous godless hearts






                                                    ORDER NOW














review of HUMAN CATHEDRALS





HUMAN CATHEDRALS by JOHN SWEET
MICHAEL CAYLO-BARADI Reviews

Human Cathedrals by John Sweet
(Ravenna Press, Washington, 2002)

Crucifixions Without Crosses, Resurrections
Under the steeples of John Sweet’s Human Cathedrals


Human Cathedrals assumes a certain firmness of tone, one that can be mistaken as mournful deliberation that precedes rebellion, or rebellious action. There are many passages that can illustrate this argument; but one particular passage stands out, because of the intertwined vein of courage and casualness that flows beneath its rhythm: “[o]f all the/words i own/the one i refuse/to say is/god” (58). The strongest phrases in this stanza, at least for me, are ‘i own’ and ‘i refuse’; the phrases are declarations of ownership, and a categorical declaration of something toxic in religion. The subject in question is contained in three-letter word: god. It’s crucial to underline the number of letters in the term ‘god,’ because three in Christianity stands for Holy Trinity, the sacred trio of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, summed into one Godhead.

Now quite coincidentally -- on the book’s cover -- in the black and white photograph of an old art deco building in Seattle is a suggestion of this trio; it’s a carved image in the building’s façade, of what appears like three stems: in the middle is a taller stem and to its left and right are two identical stems. On the other hand, while this image of three-some is, unavoidably, loaded with religious connotations, its presence above the title creates an ironic and un-iconic relationship with the title, because the idea of ‘human cathedrals’ presents a subversive platform; cathedrals ought to be juxtaposed on equal hierarchy with holy elements, not the one element that is beneath the sacred: the human.

Thusly, this image of three-some in the cover and the tension it creates with the title presents a gesture that frames the collection’s imagination: that the spectre of organized religion hangs over this collection like halo, not halo of sainthood, but rather that of moral introspection. In this regard, the poems in this collection become a sort of journey into the circulatory system of emotive introspection and examination, a system that doesn’t necessarily constitute or structure unified cathedrals of a specific community but rather distances itself -- as opposed to creating barriers of resistance -- from the notion of cathedrals, of structured and organized belief systems.

In many ways though, the poet’s sense of distantiation from these belief systems -- quite confidently suggested in the refusal to say the word ‘god’ -- can be viewed as the kind of distantiation hoped, exercised, or even forced among members in a family caught in a state of falling apart out of each other. Injecting the idea of family in this discussion is not incidental nor modestly relevant but rather critical, because when one discusses moral intimacies that implicate religion and religious beliefs, one steps into realms wherein the familiar becomes familial. In organized religion, belief functions as blood-line among believers; belief then, becomes critical indicator of kinship.

Now representations of distantiation, in the context of family, are often easy to recognize in amplified and theatrical simplifications: movement from one geographic location to another, absence in usual social gatherings, refusal to accept certain phone calls, refusal to assume connection with certain organizations, or, of course, explicit confession and iteration of commitment or non-commitment on something. On the other hand, when one asks to what extent these representations measure depth of separation, one starts to talk about degrees of separation, because of complexity in the process of separation. Members from any form of family-unit severing membership from that family are often aware of this complexity, because memories about being part of that unit cannot easily be severed.

The voice in this collection comes from that sort of family member, one who has tried to sever ties from a family called Christianity. This collection’s first poem convincingly takes us into that mind-space in “waiting for the day to begin”; and there are, at least, two families suggested that are intertwined here, that of the author’s and Christianity itself:
this is three degrees below
zero
and waiting for the
day to begin

am waiting for the baby
to wake up

for objects to solidify
cast shadows and i am
waiting for christ’s name to pour
like black blood from the
mouths of priests (2)

Something about this passage is almost like a chant for Christmas celebration without lights, or perhaps one transported along the River Styx. Christmas, as we know, celebrates the birth of the Christian messiah. In this birth a Savior has arrived, whose too-familiar story resists biography and history, but rather prefers to define doctrine, one that frames and colonizes world-views.

Now the gothic beauty painted in this passage rests not so much on the stand-in for baby Jesus, but rather on the baby’s duality, both as baby Jesus and the author’s son. But baby Jesus doesn’t wake up here. There is a wait, a long wait, a very cold one that takes us into the number three again, the trinity: “[…]three degrees below / zero”; this temperature somehow suggests the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are submerged below zero: frozen, powerless. No promises of messiahs here; baby Jesus appears dead. But what seals or unifies the darkness in this passage is the voice’s aspiration: “I am / waiting for christ’s name to pour / like black blood from the / mouths of priests.” The scene summoned is now the Holy Communion, the heart of Christian-church services, wherein the priest delivers the body and blood of Christ to the congregation, to God’s people, symbolically, through bread and wine, the ritual of transubstantiation. Furthermore, the idea of Holy Communion is not unique to Christianity; it has a secular dimension. Symbolism has, indeed, preserved the idea and drama behind the secular origins of the Holy Communion, sanitizing the bloodiness and violence involved in the culinary ritual: the taking in of body and blood of a human subject: cannibalism. Thus, the Holy Communion as simulacra of civilized and highly-dramatized cannibalism is holy because the body involved is not that of an ordinary human subject but that of God in human-form: Jesus; his body is the cleansing agent for the bodies and souls who take him. But then when one associates or equates the name of Christ with ‘black blood’, one stops thinking about blessings, but rather contamination, of something viral about the sacred. The equation of Christ and ‘black blood’ flowing out of the ‘mouths of priests’ further emphasizes the vampiric element and nature of the Holy Communion, not from the context of congregation but among priests themselves. Instead of being able to drink the blood of Christ first, before sharing that blood to their congregation, the priests reject Christ’s blood, and vomit it out. The vomited blood is black. The voice in the poem is waiting for this impurity, somehow expecting its flow as form of celebration; it’s not a nice vision of Christianity, because it renders Christ’s blood as toxic, and that the men who preach his gospel somehow have had enough of him, and cannot ingest and digest him anymore in their souls.

John Sweet walks on dark terrains, in this collection, without blinking. Released in 2002, within a year after September 11, 2001, Human Cathedrals can stand as epitaph for things in the human condition, too many to enumerate.

*****

Michael Caylo-Baradi lives in Southern California. His work has appeared in Eclectica Magazine, elimae, Kartika Review, Mannequin Envy, Otoliths, Underground Voices, PopMatters, and forthcoming in Prick of the Spindle.