New Theory: Trump
is an Idiot
is an Idiot
Apr 05, 2017 3:23am EDT by Dylan Brody
Occam’s Razor stipulates that the simplest
explanation is most often the correct one.
As
Trump’s apologists, press representatives and cable news surrogates tie
themselves into Gordian configurations
explaining and re-explaining what he means when he says things that seem to be
at odds not only with reality but even with his own version of reality, I come
to the simplest explanation time and again: The man is simply too
stupid to understand the words spraying from his own purse-lipped blowhole.
During
the election FBI Director and renowned leaker of nation-damaging half-truths
James Comey announced that some emails on the laptop of Anthony “aptly-named”
Weiner might or might not belong to Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, Vice Chair of
Clinton’s Presidential Campaign and longtime Clinton aide and confidante.
At
this time, Trump wanted nothing more than to keep the nation in a state of
mesmerized hyper focus on the non-issue of Secretary Clinton’s ginned up email
scandal. Nothing would have pleased then-candidate Trump more than to
have additional testimony occur, giving legs to a story that required enormous
energy and repetition of egregious falsehoods just to remain vaguely suspect.
He
said this on the campaign trail:
His
vapid, rabid supporters agreed wildly! Indeed, they shouted in
their hostile, spittle-laden manner! Give no immunity! She knows the
secrets! (I paraphrase. They mostly yelled, “Yeah!”
and “Truuuuummmmp!”)
If
there were secrets to be known though, the way to get at them would have been
to give Abedin immunity to coerce her to spill. That’s the purpose
of immunity. It allows prosecutors to let smaller players off the hook in
order to obtain damning information about the more important figures in a
criminal conspiracy.
In
recent days, General Michael Flynn requested immunity for his involvement in
the growing and ever-deepening scandal surrounding Tweety McPotus’ team and its
ties to the Putin regime in Russia. After having apparently lied to Congress
about his own transactions both financial and conversational with Russia, Flynn
stepped down from his position as National Security Advisor and could face
prosecution as more details come to light suggesting that his lies were not
merely the “of omission” sort but more of the “felonious deception” sort.
Most
Executives finding themselves in the position of our long-tied, lumbering
leader would insist that someone who had held Flynn’s position be denied immunity.
Presidents hoping to keep focus away from their offices have
traditionally extended their Executive Privilege to as wide a sphere of
advisors and support staff as possible; since Nixon’s Watergate scandal, White
House Counsel has made a habit of vigorously defending on behalf of the
President the right to keep Oval Office business largely confidential.
Hairball
O’Daddy-Issues though, instead of demanding that Flynn be protected under the
umbrella of privilege let his teeny tiny fingers do the talking when he
tweeted:
MIKE FLYNN
SHOULD ASK FOR IMMUNITY IN THAT THIS IS A WITCH HUNT (EXCUSE FOR BIG ELECTION
LOSS), BY MEDIA & DEMS, OF HISTORIC PROPORTION!
The
next day, ill-fitting suit Sean Spicer and aging Harry Anderson impersonator
Jeffrey Lord spent a great deal of time spinning tales as to why their boss
would want his former advisor to further involve himself in what he claims is a
witch hunt. They suggested that this is what an innocent man would do; he would
want transparency; he would want cooperation with the investigation. That
might make sense, you know, were that what the Conniver in Chief had said.
Given
the two references the Grumpy Orangutan has made to immunity – First
suggesting that Huma Abedin should not get immunity because he believed
she knew secrets about her boss and second suggesting that Flynn should
request immunity because the case in which he is embroiled is a witch hunt –
one must merely apply Occam’s Razor to find the simplest possible explanation.
Donald
Trump, the President of the United States believes “immunity” is the same thing
as the Fifth Amendment right to refrain from self-Incrimination. He
thinks immunity is something that allows people not to speak to the court or to
congress.
Apply
this simple lens, realize that the man is simply too stupid to know what he’s
talking about when he discusses immunity and suddenly his comments make perfect
sense. He intended to say that Huma should be forced to testify and Flynn
should not; almost the precise opposite of what he actually said.
The
man has told us that he is, like, a really smart guy. He has told us that
he has the best words.
What
he has shown us is that he is very different from a really smart guy and he
doesn’t actually know what some of the most common words mean.
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