New Theory: Trump
is an Idiot
is an Idiot
Apr 05, 2017 3:23am EDT by Dylan Brody
Occam’s Razor stipulates that the simplest explanation is most often the correct one.
As Trump’s apologists, press representatives and cable news surrogates tie themselves into Gordian configurations explaining and re-explaining what he means when he says things that seem to be at odds not only with reality but even with his own version of reality, I come to the simplest explanation time and again: The man is simply too stupid to understand the words spraying from his own purse-lipped blowhole.
During the election FBI Director and renowned leaker of nation-damaging half-truths James Comey announced that some emails on the laptop of Anthony “aptly-named” Weiner might or might not belong to Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, Vice Chair of Clinton’s Presidential Campaign and longtime Clinton aide and confidante.
At this time, Trump wanted nothing more than to keep the nation in a state of mesmerized hyper focus on the non-issue of Secretary Clinton’s ginned up email scandal. Nothing would have pleased then-candidate Trump more than to have additional testimony occur, giving legs to a story that required enormous energy and repetition of egregious falsehoods just to remain vaguely suspect.
He said this on the campaign trail:
I HOPE THEY DIDN'T GIVE HUMA IMMUNITY BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THE REAL STORY. SHE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. SHE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON."
His vapid, rabid supporters agreed wildly! Indeed, they shouted in their hostile, spittle-laden manner! Give no immunity! She knows the secrets! (I paraphrase. They mostly yelled, “Yeah!” and “Truuuuummmmp!”)
If there were secrets to be known though, the way to get at them would have been to give Abedin immunity to coerce her to spill. That’s the purpose of immunity. It allows prosecutors to let smaller players off the hook in order to obtain damning information about the more important figures in a criminal conspiracy.
In recent days, General Michael Flynn requested immunity for his involvement in the growing and ever-deepening scandal surrounding Tweety McPotus’ team and its ties to the Putin regime in Russia. After having apparently lied to Congress about his own transactions both financial and conversational with Russia, Flynn stepped down from his position as National Security Advisor and could face prosecution as more details come to light suggesting that his lies were not merely the “of omission” sort but more of the “felonious deception” sort.
Most Executives finding themselves in the position of our long-tied, lumbering leader would insist that someone who had held Flynn’s position be denied immunity. Presidents hoping to keep focus away from their offices have traditionally extended their Executive Privilege to as wide a sphere of advisors and support staff as possible; since Nixon’s Watergate scandal, White House Counsel has made a habit of vigorously defending on behalf of the President the right to keep Oval Office business largely confidential.
Hairball O’Daddy-Issues though, instead of demanding that Flynn be protected under the umbrella of privilege let his teeny tiny fingers do the talking when he tweeted:
MIKE FLYNN SHOULD ASK FOR IMMUNITY IN THAT THIS IS A WITCH HUNT (EXCUSE FOR BIG ELECTION LOSS), BY MEDIA & DEMS, OF HISTORIC PROPORTION!
The next day, ill-fitting suit Sean Spicer and aging Harry Anderson impersonator Jeffrey Lord spent a great deal of time spinning tales as to why their boss would want his former advisor to further involve himself in what he claims is a witch hunt. They suggested that this is what an innocent man would do; he would want transparency; he would want cooperation with the investigation. That might make sense, you know, were that what the Conniver in Chief had said.
Given the two references the Grumpy Orangutan has made to immunity – First suggesting that Huma Abedin should not get immunity because he believed she knew secrets about her boss and second suggesting that Flynn should request immunity because the case in which he is embroiled is a witch hunt – one must merely apply Occam’s Razor to find the simplest possible explanation.
Donald Trump, the President of the United States believes “immunity” is the same thing as the Fifth Amendment right to refrain from self-Incrimination. He thinks immunity is something that allows people not to speak to the court or to congress.
Apply this simple lens, realize that the man is simply too stupid to know what he’s talking about when he discusses immunity and suddenly his comments make perfect sense. He intended to say that Huma should be forced to testify and Flynn should not; almost the precise opposite of what he actually said.
The man has told us that he is, like, a really smart guy. He has told us that he has the best words.
What he has shown us is that he is very different from a really smart guy and he doesn’t actually know what some of the most common words mean.